am i guilty??

I felt guilty to my mom...although we are not close, I’m not suppose to prejudices my own mother...it’s a big sin...i realize about that...what am I suppose to do???I bet abah would be in a great disappointment if he knew what have I done...but what you expect me to do? Only if everyone knew how I hate to admit that deep into my heart, I do love my mom...more than what she expect...just that I’m still cannot self adapting myself with the fact that I do have mom since everything that I’ve gone through..It’s too painful to me...YaAllah.., please, give me your guidance...abah.., I need you...honestly speaking, I’m in the middle of nowhere now... I’m just cannot think in deep now...at least not now...if you now how I want to kiss my own mom and say to her how much I love her and how much I want her to be a mom to me..but..,I think she didn’t really love me and consider I’m her daughter..I really miss the time where I’m fallen sick and she stay all the night just to make sure I’m ok.but it just happen one time in my life and long2 time ago...I want my mom back!!!Don’t you get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Uhm.., what should I do??Where should I start??I really want to be a good kid and take good care of my mom as what abah wish...but,I’m just can’t throw a bad side of me who keep hating her..I love her but at the same time I hate her...how bad am I right??I know that fact...hahhaha...well, lets start figuring the way out...if there’s a will, there’s a will right??Help me God...i really2 wanna get back to my mom...I’m just don’t know how,where and when..I really need your guidance...

that’s all for now..
get back 2 work!!hahhaha..
xoxo..
sweet galz..